Here at quiteenjoy we quite often receive spam comments. Rarely are they this long, rambling and poorly translated as this tale which I thought I should share with you. If anyone can guess which original language this story was converted from then let me know- my bets are on Twilight: translated from english to German> from German to Spanish> From spanish to Mandarin> then back to english again, but I could be wrong.
Anyway, here it is:
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Thrilling isnt it? Can’t wait to see what happens next. There were a few spurious links in there to Watch repairers and Torture porn dungeons but I removed them for your convenience.
Brown out
After an absence from the itunes store (not at all due to me deleting the site that the podcasts lived on) the quiteenjoy podcast is back on itunes. As I write this there is only one episode back up there but its a good-one. I’m uploading the rest in an all-new- wacky- out of order way! Stay tunes, Stay frosty, Keep living (mild threat.)
Hello there!
Remember me? It’s Andrew Jenkins. The guy who posts 27% of the content on this website, thus far undermining the desired output of his long-suffering friend and partner, Anthony Brown. I realise that I haven’t exactly been delivering on my promise of daily musings to lace your mind with the refuse of my own so that you may in turn think as I do. This is unacceptable and I am acutely aware of this, so I thought it might be best to share a little grievance with you that has been slowly eroding my patience for the last few years. This gripe has been accumulating on a smaller-than-sub-molecular level so that I barely noticed my annoyance swelling up like some Chocolate-gorging Divorcée at a fondue party, which is probably why I hadn’t realised the scale of my anger until today. My problem is this: I don’t like the things you write.
A controversial thing to announce, made even more risqué given that I wish you to continue reading this article that I have written to explain why I don’t care for your writing. I think it is fair to say that I assume too much in this relationship. If it makes the digestion of these words any easier on your esophagus, then please allow me to stress that I am directing the brunt of my anger at a select few people, who in all likelihood do not include yourself or any of your loved ones.
The people I am referring to are the individuals who leave comments underneath published articles on websites, and the next day on devoted pages in newspapers. Not even all of those people either, just the ones who leave snide little annotations and curt digs at the authors grammar or expression of opinion in general. This is something I have always despised, I guess, but the enormity of this has never really been made apparent to me until this morning. I was reading an article in The Guardian written by David Mitchell in the wake of France’s decision to ban the burqa (an absurd thing in itself, but this is not the time for that discussion so that will have to wait for another post) What bothered me so much was the fact that having read this article and understood it to be an insightful and well-informed observation on the farcical nature of France’s questionable breach of religious doctrine and blatant violation of human rights; there was a stream of comments underneath from a couple of people not instigating further debate on the subject matter or even challenging the authors views to any real extent against their own… no, they either left flippant remarks about David’s grammar (he made one little slip up and they chided him for doing so, being as he is, a Cambridge graduate) or just left their own slanderous remarks to wearers of the burqa in the first instance.
The Guardian profess across their pages and website that “Comment is free…” but should that really be the case when the forum is used so frequently as a soap-box for slander, casual racism and the relentless braying of the uninformed illiterates of society? Should there not be a way of sifting through the deluge of mung-bean-headed idiots who litter the pages with their worthless and trivial utterances, in order to filter through the slush to get to the truly juicy, pertinent comments that have no detrimental effect on the integrity of the piece, nor the infuriated eyes of the casual reader (me) even? I suppose that would be a little bit hypocritical of The Guardian’s statement about comment being free and all. I suppose I don’t want to be seen to be advocating the idea of censorship, do I? This isn’t the People’s Republic of China, after all. Perhaps a little bit of casual IQ testing is required at the foot of these pages in order to post a comment. You know the box you have to fill in with the words drawn in some crazy graphic that allow you to sign up to some website or other? Well they are used to stop spam-mailers from gaining access to the site. Maybe we could establish a similar thing for people submitting comments on websites: in order to post this comment, you must answer the following questions to do with its subject matter in order to determine your suitability to append further remarks.
1: Did God create the universe in seven days?
2: Are the troops stationed in Afghanistan and across the middle-east there for good reason?
3: Are people from non-British countries having a negative effect on the culture and progression of our nation?
If you answered yes to any or all of those questions then you will not be given the option of posting a comment on the website… you may also have your internet connection stripped from you and given to someone else as you are clearly wasting the golden opportunity you have been given to learn of the worlds true nature and have your eyes and, more importantly, your mind opened. You can instead continue to get all of your ideological stimulation from the befouled pages of The Daily Mail. AND DON’T LET ME CATCH YOU ON THE GUARDIAN WEBSITE AGAIN OR I’LL EAT YOUR KIDS.
- Jenkins
And yay apple did release iPhones 4th OS, and there was much rejoicing.
After trying quite un successfully to update my own iPhone software last night I have finally had some time to play with it this morning. Over all I have to tip my hat to the apple bods and announce “good job sirs”. As I write this post on the iPhone with it’s new OS the new “spell checker” adds a familiar red dotted line under “finaly” to suggest I change it to “finally” with which I shall comply.
I have also managed to cobble together a play list in the iPod which allows me to play all 5 days worth of 80′s songs in one long, bright clothing filled, haze of joy. Should I ever be in the situation where I need to waste 5 days I now know I can do so in the utter freedom of not having to go back to the iPod menus to change albums- which would needlessly waste battery life for what I believe will already be quite a push at running it for 5 days.
Folders work. Nuff said- they are folders. Much like the ones your nan used to have to hold that old stuff made from trees called paper- I believe thats what it’s called, I saw some in a museum once. Suffice to say I have reduced my home screen from 7 pages to 3. Damn.
I happen to be one of those lucky million people that have the 3GS model and as such am allowed into the secret club known as “multi-task” (and if this phone changes that word to “multiple” one more time I soon will be the owner of a 3Gs with a fine dent in the middle of it’s face). This is what we have all been waiting for (apparently). Although I don’t remember actually thinking about it before it was announced in the keynote. Guess I’m just one of those folks that is just glad his phone screen isn’t green anymore and his ringtone doesn’t sound like a chorus of cats being used in an underwater piano. This multi-tasking lark will be excellent once the developers update their apps to work with it. At the time of writing all of my game apps re-set themselves when you switch between them and any other app.
A word of warning to those of you with the sonic game apps (1 & 2). This update seems to have changed the emulation software from megadrive speed to commadore 64 speed. Both games now run un-playably slow. Actually it’s probably about the same speed that they would run natively on the 3G model iPhone. Sure this will be fixed soon. It had better be- those apps aren’t cheap!
Other features go without saying- wallpapers are nice if you’ve always fancied looking at an image through a frosted window full of post-it notes. The new mail enhancements finally group emails by subject and you can now make your photos even grainier and blurry by taking full advantage of the “optical zoom” function in the camera. Of course the best thing about all this is it doesn’t cost you a bean- or money. Learn from this Microsoft- make things good, work and cheap. That is if you ever come back onto dry land from your massive yacht.