The summer is a letdown because you ask too much of it. Three consecutive days of clement weather is too much pressure to put on this country.
Watermelons are only good when you can buy them in slices. Buying a whole watermelon and storing it in your fridge will only lead to its eventual demise at the hands of decomposition, because it is so daunting an item due to its sheer volume that you’ll never actually make the first move and cut off a piece.
Wasps really don’t give a shit about you and will ignore you if you don’t flap about. They will however try and swim in your Champagne. This is just a fact. Are you telling me that if there was a vat of bubbly in your back garden then you wouldn’t take a swim in it? C’mon.
Pigeons are fine. They aren’t doing you any harm and they are essentially working as unpaid volunteers for local council’s by cleaning up your food that you threw on the floor. Stop calling them rats with wings. Every time you say that it makes me think of actual rats with actual wings and that is terrifying because they are so much bigger in my imagination then they are in real life.
Tomato ketchup is boring and Brown Sauce is loads better, so there.
15 Comments
Brown
Agreed with all of the above. and nothing pushes you to the top of a government “watch list” like an image of a child being punched in the stomach by masked gimps.
31 Aug 2011 10:08 am
cakedandgreen
That and a tasty set of popular meta-tags.
31 Aug 2011 10:08 am
fairyfayt
In summer I like buying an entire watermelon and then cutting it in half, scooping out the fruit, blending it crushed ice, vodka and other juices and then tipping it all back into the hollowed out watermelon. Then serve with bbq & sunshine. Lush.
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
Brown
...and perhaps a straw?
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
cakedandgreen
In the winter I like to cut open a Tauntaun and scoop out its guts so I can lie in it to keep warm.
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
Brown
You told me he was staying at a neighbours house...
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
fairyfayt
perhaps . . .or a big spoon. It depends on how slushy you make it . . .and how drunk you are
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
Brown
how drunk do you have to be to be incapable of drinking watermelon?
31 Aug 2011 11:08 am
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