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It’s old school time!
Well that’s what I thought to myself when I went and got myself an old NES off of eBay. Bought myself a few of the classic games, warmed up the red wine and sat down ready to play a few minutes before saying “hmm, not what I remember”. But it was not to be…
Ah, Spring. Such beauty. Such splendour. What a naughty little season you are. Wearing all those pretty things for me. You knew I would notice, didn’t you? Don’t be coy now. You wouldn’t dress like that if you didn’t want me to look, would you? You minx.
Sorry, I seemed to have drifted slightly away from my point, I feel. Let’s start again.
Ah, spring. The dawning of seasons new and the promise of a brighter time. A time to start a fresh and give the place a once over. This is true of all things, be they domestic, mental, spiritual or otherwise. It is with this in mind that I bring to you a little tip for keeping your lovely, shiny Apple Macintosh computer/laptop clean. They are far less likely to slow down and go all ‘Vista’ on you than most other types of computer, but nonetheless, a little polish and tlc never hurt anyone (except those allergic to polish and tlc, i.e.; Goths)
This tip is worth sharing with any and all Mac users you know, because it is designed solely with the purpose of making everything run faster and smoother. You can’t argue with that, can you?
The first thing to do is to make a note of what your memory (RAM) is currently looking like. The best way to do this is to open Application Manager, by going:
Finder >; Applications >; Utilities >; Application Manager
At the bottom of the screen click the System Memory tab and then maybe take a screenshot of the results for reference when you are comparing the before and after stage, or just write down the details, so you can see the difference afterwards.
Next you should close down any existing programs (including Application Manager) and reset your Mac. Now, from the very second you hear the start-up sound as the Mac is rebooting, hold down the Shift key and don’t let go for anything. Even if your house suddenly catches fire whilst simultaneously being burgled by Pirates, do NOT let go of shift. You are going to keep holding down shift even as you fight the pirates with your spare hand and blow the flames of the house fire out with every available breath you have.
Now, when the little spinning cog/gear makes an appearance, start counting to TWENTY SECONDS in Mississippi’s for accuracy, and the moment you get to twenty, you can finally let go of the shift key, and give those thieving pirates the two-handed beating they deserve. You can also put your house fire out while you’re at it… and do you know why? Because your Mac is going to be completely useless to you for the next quarter-of-an-hour. You might even want to make yourself a cup of tea or finish that crossword. The one thing that you absolutely CANNOT do, is touch your Mac, because it is currently retreating into its core-programming and having a good old think about the meaning of existence, and its place in the order of things. It is pondering how best to serve you from this point onwards, and friends, when it has done thinking, it will let you know, I promise. The screen may flicker a little bit and then eventually it will lead you to its welcome/log-in screen. For the sake of safety, even when that has happened, you may as well leave it be another minute or two, whilst you go and have a wee or put a new towel on the radiator for tomorrow morning.
After this start-up is complete, it is time for the second part of the cleansing process. You should go to Finder >; Applications >; Utilities >; Disk Utility and find your Boot Drive. There will usually be a drive-shaped icon, with another drive-shaped icon directly underneath it. This lower one is known as your primary partition, and is where all the magic that makes your gorgeous Mac work is kept. This primary-partition will probably be called something like Macintosh HD unless you have renamed it, but you get the gist.
So, click on that drive-shaped icon that’s probably called Macintosh HD to highlight it and then in the bottom part of the screen, click the Repair Disk Permissions button and watch your Mac go to town on itself. You will see a whole bunch of command lines slowly start to appear and also a little time/status bar letting you know how things are going time-wise, and you may even see a few more flashes of the screen for good measure, but all you need to know about this, is that your Mac is basically just brushing its teeth, washing its face, spraying its pits, changing its pants, ironing its clothes and getting changed in to the sharpest gear it owns, and all to impress YOU, my friend! How ace is that!?
When that finally wraps itself up, you will get a little message at the bottom of all that code and repair-command saying that everything is done. To set everything in-line and finalise your Mac’s hard work; just do a normal reset (no holding down shift or fighting Pirates this time, my friend) and allow your gorgeous and shiny-like-new Mac to reboot itself, and then maybe give yourself a high-five for a job well done.
Once you’re back online and at your desktop, go once more to Finder >; Applications >; Utilities >; Application Manager and check out the fruits of your labour in the System Memory tab and see the difference!
It’s nice, no? Damn right it is. Why not take another screenshot and email me with both at jenkins@quiteenjoy.co.uk under the subject line ‘Jenkins, you sex monster, you’ve done it again!’ so we can see just how great I really am.
Now off you go… enjoy your newly-sexed Mac, and think of me when you’re gliding along the path to pure awesomeness.
- Jenkins
Regent street is in a somber mood this morning, still recouping after yesterday’s news that Steve Jobs had died.
To the man who gave us the very device that I am writing this, and probably the device most of you are reading this I give our thanks. Your innovation and vision will be missed.
It’s clear by the reaction in the press, on the street, at the stores and online that the man that was the “i” in all his products ment a great deal to the world he influenced so heavily. So thanks Steve, thanks for thinking different. If it wasn’t for you we would just have smaller, quicker versions of the Nokia 5210.
ECHO……echo
That’s the sound it makes when you shout into the vast vacuous space that is Google +.
Google + is the Internet giants third attempt to break into the social media spotlight- and will it see success with this one? Maybe. By throwing Facebook and twitter they seem to be integrating micro blogging and network sharing all in one place. Not to bad an idea. What is a bad idea, for a social network at least, is to make it invite only! I ask you! It’s like holding an amazing party at the playboy mansion, locking the gates, giving three people Keys and hoping that they make copies for all their friends and convince them to cone along. And thanks to what I am calling “googles 3 key philosophy” I only have 3 friends on the thing. Not that I’m surprised- they did the same with gmail;
“Look at this amazing thing you can’t have yet!”. So I guess I’ll have to wait a bit to see how this one pans out. But with my 3 friends on Google+ vs my 300 on Facebook I know who’s winning.
Feel free to field some questions about the new Google + in the comments or Forum.
I hate 3D.
I happen to think it’s the most ridiculous fad since LuLu. I guess what bugs me most is that we are embracing it like a new born at a family picnic – with a chorus of ooohs and ahhhs wherever it deems appropriate to rear it’s eye straining, £3 extra on your cinema ticket- head. Apart from Avatar – that thing rocked hard – but you get my feeling on the matter. So when news filtered down to me from my sources (In.ternet) that Nintendo were throwing their hat into the 3D gaming ring I was, to say the least, sceptical. To say the most- I thought they were making a giant rainbow coloured, vomit inducing mistake. Me and Nintendo still need to have words after that whole “motion control” thing that they attempted to kill the game industry with a while back (notice how most of their games now revert to the controller being held sideways to control instead of waving it around like a leper with a loose limb? Funny that). Maybe it was just Bait for the other behemoths of gaming to chew at for a while so Nintendo could get the “3D” drop on them? Bait which they took beautifully I might add.
Shiny box- with added smudges
So it’s here now. It’s called the 3DS, and I have one.
the original DS
With nintendo now having more versions of their popular hand held, dual screen wonder than I have socks (That’s right, I have 5 socks – 2 pair, 1 spare) it’s only this 5th incarnation that actually changes something big enough to warrant me getting one. The offer of a camera or a bigger screen to see the amazing low-res graphics failed to woo me – which is all the previous models had. So let’s kick off- with the help of bullet point headings!
The 3D Double image
Graphics
On first glance I didn’t notice a massive change. That was until I put in an original DS cart and then it all became clear as a lawsuit against Michael Barrymore. The top screen is now a rather tasty looking wide screen with graphics that are very nearly (to the eye anyway) on par with the Wii. The same hideous alias problems are carried over from it’s Wii brother but with a screen that size they are excusable if you move the console away from your face.
My 3DS - on my table no less
Inbuilt
Nintendo have included some goodies with this DS. You can take 3D photos. You know, they’re like photos…in 3D. The Wii consoles tumour ridden representations of you and your friends (or as they call it ” Mii”) have made their way over. You can even hook up and transfer the ones you made on the Wii – nice touch. The method of doing so is a little less than straight forward however. I had to go to the Wii’s Mii channel, press A, B and 1 (in a place that avoided actually hitting a menu screen or picking up one of the Miis) and then holding down 2. After three moons had passed the menu to “connect to DS” came and all was well. Could have just been a “connect to DS” button but hey ho, why have one of those when you can play contortionist with your Wii remote eh?
Also inbuilt is a daily stats program linked to a pedometer. So not only can you see how much of your life you’ve wasted on harvest moon but you can also clock the milage you’ve done with the DS in your pocket. Nice.and it rewards you too- you get play coins for walking. I think its something like 10 coins for 1000 steps, and you can only get up to 10 in a day. Good incentive to get the kids outdoors I suppose… “You want that new outfit for Blanka? Fine, four laps of the field and it’s yours’”.
Street pass is also included. This allows your and other strangers DS consoles to talk as you walk past each other in the street. A little green light will be glowing on your DS to let you know you’ve made a pass, so to speak. When you open your DS and then go to street pass plaza you will meet the Mii of the stranger you passed. There are some other little features you can do such as trade puzzle pieces or play a bad rip off of final fantasy with ghosts and cats. Pity I’m not 7 or I would lap this stuff up. At my age now I would much prefer a feature to swap favourite recipes or map locations of good places to sit down.
3DS cart (left) vs original DS cart. FIGHT!
Games
I only have one game for it at the moment as none of the others seemed worthy of my cash. That game is Pilotwings resort – a ressurected classic from the N64 with absolutely nothing else in common except for the first part of the title and the fact you spend most of your time in the air. It’s a good enough time eater – trying to beat old high scores, collecting unexplainably floating things (be it rings, mii trophies or funny gates with your face on it) and generally trying not to crash into things. You will fail. The system is also comparable with all your original DS games (unless you played the import game in which case some of them may not work anymore). This is the first DS to be region locked so no more getting the odd obscure mud wrestling title from Japan- you’ll have to make do with another European Barbie game instead. The big one I am waiting for (and the whole reason I bought the thing if I’m honest) is Ocarina of Time 3D…but that’s one for another post.
Hazzahhh! A thumb stick! A good one too.
It’s 3D…Without glasses
So one of the big downfalls of cinema 3d is that you have to wear specs that make you resemble the fresh prince…on the day he’s wearing his prescription sunglasses. Nintendo stick two “child friendly” fingers up to this concept and have developed a screen that shows the 3D without human peripherals. And you know what- it works. As long as you are viewing it at the 3 degree angle that counts as it’s “sweet spot”, but lets not be picky here – we should just be grateful that it’s not red and green. The effect really does make you go “wow” when you first pick it up, and “help, I’m blind” an hour later when you realise your eyes are now adjusted to see ONLY the 3DS screen. Oh well- you know what you were getting into. And if you are still having big problems then you can knock that little 3D slider on the side of the screen down so that you can get used to the effect – then go for the burn and crank it up to 11. Even the menus are in 3D, a nice touch…mind you if you are going to make a 3D device and don’t release much content for it at launch, you had better damn well include some loveliness inbuilt to show off the fact that mario can now touch your face.
Augmented Awesomeness
Ok this is a game changer, for the kids anyway. It is so difficult to explain how this works i’ve decided to go rogue and do a video for this part:
So would I recommend it? Yes. Buy one. Or if you’re a game employee – buy 5 from your local tesco at a cheaper price just incase your stock runs low..